Elusive Evasive Trust.

Trust. Particularly Trust in God and the fact that He knows EVERY single event of my life and He cares for me more than I could ever comprehend. I go through this form time to time, and thankfully He has brought me to a place where I almost never fear- butsometimes I just give in. I need to Trust Him. I need to know that He does not put a desire in my heart that He does not plan to see come to an amazing conclusion. I know He has given me this desire to be a mother- He has conquered so many fears in me about a great many things- He will take care of me. I need not fear. Father, Tonight I ask you to guide my steps as I pursue being a godly woman. Help me to love those around me as they need to be loved- not just how I want to love them. Prepare my body and soul for what is to come- this great journey of motherhood.

Anticipation

That's the state I am in. Anticipation. I Feel I am on the egged of something so amazing, something beyond the comprehension of my small self. Today I began taking prenatal vitamins, and extra calcium. it is starting to feel more real now that my life is about to change. I look forward to that change with great-----anticipation. I realize now that I need to really begin taking good care of my physical fitness- I need to get this body in shape and get into a habit that will help me keep it that way as I carry our child. Father, this seems so trivial- but I know it is so important. Please help me get and stay in shape during this time of anticipation and change! Help me to pursue my spiritual health even more now, ans I prepare to be a mother, cultivate in me the heart of the mother my children will need in the years to come. Soften my heart where it needs to be softened, strengthen me where I need it, so I can help raise this child who has yet to be conceived to be a man or woman who seeks You.

God- You amaze me!

Thanks you, Father for your unfailing love to me. The way you remind me that my fears are silly and that you will give me all I need! Amazing how I can be so lost inside myself that I don't see how you are working in me and in others. My thoughts tend to be so jumbled I don't see the clarity of Your plan. Forgive me for not trusting in you more, and help me to open my mind and heart to trusting in you! Thank you for Steven and Jillian- help us to grow in our relationship with them, Father and strenghten our love for each other and you!

New Feelings

well...not exactly new...i mean...i have always wanted to be a mother...just not like this.(disclaimer: i am NOT pregnant yet!!!!) i guess before it was sort of a theoretical "yeah, of course...someday" kinda thing. But over the past few months it has evolved into something much larger, and over the past weeks- it has become a serious- for real- deep desire of my heart! i see women with child, women with toddlers, women with infants...all these tug at my heart and make me smile- but this past saturday i saw what i had not seen yet-at least not since this became real to me- a woman with a newborn. i know that motherhood will not be all about the radiance of pregnancy, the doting on by strangers, and my sweet, cuddly newborn- but i am still ready for whatever God gives me. last night Scott asked if i was ready for my life to be all about this baby- and without hesitation i said yes- not because i am so excited at the prospect, but because i have thought it through and i know i am. it won't be a totally new concept for me since my life has pretty much been all about one person for almost 7 years( all you who have known me that long would agree). so now i am sure that god has me in a place where there is enough of me for my life to be all about two people!