The ache is still sharp

This song was written about a child who lived only two and a half days. i cannot imagine losing a child after carrying him for so long and delivering him. my heart is broken over a child i never met. Yet this song captures it perfectly. (Wheres the navigator of your destiny?/ Where is the dealer of this hand?/ Who can explain life and its brevity/ cause there is nothing here that I can understand/ You and I have barely met/ And I just dont want to let go of you yet// Chorus: Noah, hello, goodbye/ I will see you on the other side/ Noah, sweet child of mine/ I will see you on the other side// And so I hold your tiny hand in mine/ For the hardest thing Ive ever had to face/ Heaven calls for you before it calls for me/ When you get there, save me a place/ A place where I can share your smile/ And I can hold you for more than just a while// Chorus

Four Weeks...

Has it really been that long? In some ways it seems like just yesterday, but in others...well it seems like years ago. I feel like so much has changed inside of me, and i see life in a very different way. i notice more good in others, appreciate kind things done for me more, and see more opportunities to do nice things for others. I have also learned that motherhood is a blessing to be appreciated and taken seriously- and is not something one should take for granted. Not all of what i am feeling is so positive (or mature...) i am really struggling with not being able to understand why i lost the baby. i know that it s probably not for me to know , but it is stull really hard to accept. i guess what i really need is to constantly ask God to remind me of His love and sovreignty and give me peace. Abba~ Please fill me with your peace tonight. help me to trust in You and Your plan for me. I ask for continued motivation and energy to go to the gym and get my body healthy and strong. Help me to get ing good shape and lose most of my excess weight. Make my body healthy so that i can be the best possible growing space for a baby. I also ask that you would bring egg and sperm together in the miracle of conception soon. Please bless us with a healthy preganancy and a new baby as soon as possible. you know our hearts and what is best for us, and i pray You will fill us with your joy . in your precious and Holy name i ask these things.