Time To SHINE

Hi. If you’re reading this, you’re one of my balcony people. See, with all that;s happened in the past few months, I’ve really had to step back and evaluate who in my life is *really* a friend. (I think I;ve defined “friend” too loosely in the past but that;s another blog post)Theere are two types of people in life: Balcony people who want to pull you up and build you up and support you in becoming the best you can be, and basement people, who pull you down, pull the floor from under you, or just don’t care if you fall. You are one of the few people I consider a top tier balcony person. (there are less than a dozen of you being asked to read this.) you know me, my flaws and even my mistakes and you’ve chosen to love me anyway and even invested yourself in my growth. Thank you and I love you.

Some of you know how powerful music is to me, and how I often express myself through song lyrics. The other day I had the iPod on shuffle, and a song I’d heard before and thought was nice suddenly became a tear jerking wakeup call to me: I heard you talking to me through this song and I became overwhelmed.

Oh the night makes you a star/And it holds you cold in its arms You`re the one to whom nobody verses I love you /Unless you say it first So you lie there holding your breath /And its strange how soon you forget That you`re like stars /They only show up when it`s dark Cause they don`t know their worth

And I think you need to stop following misery`s lead Shine away shine away shine away Isn`t it time you got over how fragile you are We`re all waiting Waiting on your supernova Cause that`s who you are And you`ve only begun to shine

There are times when the poets and pornstars align and /You won`t know who to believe in Well that`s a good time to be leavin` And the past knocks on your door /And throws stones at your window at 4 in the morning Well maybe he thinks it`s romantic /He`s crazy but you knew that before

And I think you need to stop following misery`s lead Shine away Shine away Shine away Isn`t it time you got over how fragile you are We`re all waiting Waiting on your supernova Cause that`s who you are And you`ve only begun to shine

Yeah you`ve only begun to shine Won`t you shine shine shine shine over shadow Shine shine shine shine over shadow Shine shine shine shine over

And I think you need to stop following misery`s lead Shine away Shine away Shine away Isn`t it time you got over how fragile you are We`re all waiting Waiting on your supernova Cause that`s who you are And you`ve only begun to shine

Yeah you`ve only begun to shine Yeah you`ve only begun to shine Yeah you`ve only begun to shine

~Anna Nalick, "Shine"

Each of you, in your own way has sung me this song. Some of you have simply been there to listen, encourage, embrace, and offer prayer for me, and that means the world. Kindness and being embraced in spite of my flaws is profound to me. Thank you. Through that you’ve shown your desire to see me shine and belief that I will.

Some of you have settled down right in the foxhole with me. Some of your love has been tough loveand the chorus of this song seems to be coming right from your lips.

One of you saw me bogged down in insecurity and comparing myself to others, and through this keeping myself from shining as I could. You helped me realize that I have my won brand of awesome and that people want to see that, and that I have great potential and am loveable. You help me be comfortable in my own skin.

Another of you saw me mourning a loss long past and diminishing my ability to shine through allowing it to steal my joy. You’ve never shied from telling me what you think and that includes that it’s time to move forward. You;ve encouraged and challenged me over and over again and let me know when you have seen me shining and thanked me for the times I’ve been there for you.

Yet another of you saw me wallowing in self pity and doing it publically. When nobody else was brave enough to tell me I was shooting myself in the foot with this, you did. You speak the truth to me lovingly, because you want to see me shine- you counter every criticism with encouragement and hope and reassurance of the shiny you see in me.

And you- you had to make a hard choice, and you knew it hurt me, though it wanst meant to. You sat with me for hours and talked it out. you said something to me that I could not have fathomed how much it would mean “Mae, I have not given up on you.” You;ve always been one of my biggest fans and cheerleaders, and have helped me see potential for greatness in myself that I hadn’t dreamed possible.

You, my friend and my brother have allowed me to be there for you- to share in you hurts and your joys. You;ve treated me like an equal and never condemned me. Your faith in me and my ability to be something great has always been unspoken but there.

You’re a sister and a friend to me. You were the first person to know my biggest failure and you didn’t judge. You’ve called me out for avoiding you because I knew you’d give me the tough love I deserve at times. You know the ways I struggle and you’re always there for support and encouragement.

Thank you-all of you- for the ways you;ve helped me and been friends to me on more than just a casual level.

Finally- “Isn’t it it time…?” Yes. Yes it is. I told someone recently that insecure Mae is dying. I am awesome and if people don’t see it- screw ‘em. I’m ready to “stop following misery’s lead… Shine away Shine away Shine AWAAAAY!” So, thank you, and please keep givin the tough love, and the nice kind too :-) I’m thankful beyond words for you and you know I’m here to support you anytime you need me.