Thursday, March 03, 2005
progress
Father!
i need you more than ever now. you have sorted out so much in my heart over the past few days, and i am so thankful for all the encouragement you have been pouring my way.why does it seem that the better things get, the worse i feel. Father i am so sick of being ruled by my emotions. i want to stop feeling so conflicted. i want to be able to only feel joy when i think about this-not fear. so tired of living in fear. my fear of man has been controlling so many of my attitudes and actions, and i want to be free from it. i wnat ot be free to rejoice, and see how i can love your people-everyone you bring into my life. help me to deal with what i need to deal with and heal my heartache, father i am sick of this fear that divides me from you and those i love. help me father, i feel like i am drowning right now. i need your arms to hold me close and love me. your love is the only one that will satisfy me. i know taht and i cry out to you to hold me, love me, heal me, fill me. i love you.
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Romans 7:14-25 - The Message, "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself--after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
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