Serendipity

so, have you ever prayed for someone fervently and faithfully and never really gotten to see what came of it? i have -many many times! and it always discouraged me, because i felt like i might just be wasting my time. i mean, what if this person never came to be in close fellowship with Jesus? why did i bother? well, folks. because i am not God. it is not for me to judge who is worthy of my prayers. God puts someone on my heart, i better pray- because amazing things happen. Here is my example: we will call her TW. she was in my world history class my junior year. she was smart, beautiful, popular, a cheerleader- everything that had terrorized me at my previous school(except thje smart part- i had that too!) Yet, God kept prompting me to reach out to her- and pray for her. she was never mean to me like the girls in RI had been, but she was not often very nice either. she had one of those personalities that playfully made fun of everyone- including herself. i liked her a lot,ached to be her friend, but despite being older, i was intimidated. i kept praying for her, though i never really saw any change in her...i felt defeated. well, that year and the next wore on,and i prayed for her every time she crossed my mind. over the 5 years since i have graduated, i have prayed for her a few times when i thought about it...but not too much. well, the other day, as i was reading the blog of my dearest high school girlfriend, i came across a comment by someone whose first name was the same as TW's (it is a very unique name!) and my heart skipped more thanone beat! i read her blog, tears in my eyes- this girl knew jesus in a way even i had never dreamed for her! Amazing! God is so faithful, He is so amazing beyond our comprehension. and although we are across the globe, i feel like now- as sisters in Christ- we can bulid that friendship i dreamed of all those years ago!

hmmm...

Well. this was a great and eventful weekend, but i am really glad to be starting a brand new week! at the end of the week i get to finish my Christmas shopping. I love my Husband, and i cannot wait to give him his gifts. i am also really excited to give all my other loved ones their gifts.... :-) God has blessed us so much and really is teaching me to appreciate those around me. Scott amazes me every day with the way he loves me, takes care of me and wants to make me happy. He treats me like a princess all the time- what an amazing reflection of God's love for me. I am really thankful for all my siblings, both by blood and marriage. They all bless me in dfferent ways and i would never trade one of them! I am feeling pretty good, despite a weird night of sleep...i did not end up working out much over the weekend, unfortunately i was too sore from last thursday and fridays workouts...but i plan on making up for that big time this week! i am so excited about finishing my weight loss goals this winter. i just can't wait to feel healthy and even more like myself again! it's been hard living under this layer of squoosh that holds me back- i don't mean that in the sense that the fat makes me ugly, but along with the chubbiness there have come things like being ashamed of how i look ,and physical sluggishness that hold me back from being who i really am. so i am looking forward to getting past all that and becoming the real me! my current goal is to get into some size 10 pants by Christmas! then i am giving myself another month to get down to an 8 and then by valentines day i want to be a 6. then i will just focus on toning and sculpting the rest of the way so i can be at my very best in time for our vacation in May! i know all that sounds like a lot, but remember that on March 1 when i started trying to lose weight i measured a size 18. by june 9 i was down to an 8. so losing 3 sizes between now and Valentine's day is no big deal! and i just can't wait to have the rest of my spark Back! and with god as my personal trainer- i will be in the best spiritual shape of my life too! i want to thank all of you who are reading this for caring and praying for me, and know that i love you and am praying for you too! talk more soon!

Amazing Feeling

Okay, so I have been on the meds for two and a half weeks now. Gosh, that sounds like I am a nut job- but anyway....I really am starting to feel better. I guess I was skeptical, especially when not a lot happened the first 2 weeks. I started sleeping better, but that was about it. Everyone says that's a big good thing, but I was looking for more than that- like maybe an end to panic attacks...Well, I have only had 1 or 2 big ones, which is a lot less than before, so maybe I should stop being so grumpy...And I have only been on this dosage for a few days, so I guess patience is in order... haha. I suppose I really started to notice yesterday. I do not know how long it has been since I had a really good day. But yesterday was darn near perfection. I got up perfectly, I ate perfectly, I worked out really hard, I took the perfect shower, put on the perfect pink velour sweatsuit,I had the perfect afternoon rest time(very important after the perfect workout) and then my perfect husband came home, and after the perfect amount of unwinding time, we went to the mall and I got the PERFECT winter coat,and the perfect deal on some really cool clothes! (The coat was originally $150, but it was on sale for $99- that's really good already, right? ahh, but it gets so much better! I had gotten a coupon in the mail for $60 off a purchase of $150 or more, so... I spent some time looking for things to get with the other $51 and came up with a pair of really cool embellished jeans and a green velvet skirt.well, when she rang it up, it only came to $124...hmmm apparently, the jeans, which I had thought were $40, were really $10! So, I got another cool pair of jeans, another really cute skirt, and a pair of underwear. So...For a total of $354 worth of clothes, I paid $90! It was like they took $60 off my coat and gave me all the other stuff free!) the only slight disappointment came when we went by payless to get my Christmas shoes and found out they didn't have them- but that's ok, more fun for today! I don't believe the meds have suddenly made everything okay in my life. But they have removed a lot of the obstacles in the way of things being okay. Yesterday I felt like I could accomplish anything, and I did a lot. Unfortunately I have a lot to catch up on... a lot of living I haven't been doing, a lot of work that's been left undone. But I know that god is bigger than the tasks that lie ahead, and that He will be rollin' up His sleeves alongside me and "gittin-r-dun". And that comforts me so much! Amazing how less than three weeks ago I was up all night and sleeping all day and felt like doing nothing at all- and now, here I am wide awake at 6 AM after an amazing night's sleep- ready to start my day! Praise the Lord! Later, Y'all!

Hey Y'all....

I know, i have not posted in ages...but now is a good time...life is good. My husband is better- and GOD is more amazing than i can say. funny how being a grown-up is-just constantly moving and growing and changing... you are never done. lately it seems like it is all coming at once- and on top of that having to ask for help form those around me-admitting that i can't fix it all. it sounds depressing- but i am learning of its freedom. anyway...i am tired. more later.

Be Intentional and Deliberate....

With our Christian walks, i think we too often just wear our faith as a label or a badge of honor or pride- but we don't really concern ourselves with how we are living and how the way we are living might be helping or hindering tha cause of christ. oh i know we SAY we are working for His Glory and to do his work, but are we really? i really think we should examine how we approach every everyday activity and see how we could be more intentionally living for christ in that area. like your job- how could your attitude about your work be improved in order to better reflect christ? how about your interactions with co-workers? what about even the level of quality you put into job perfomance? are you doing it as unto christ so that others might see your example? and how about the way you treat those you come into contact with seemingly randomly on a daily basis? do you just walk by, do you make eye contact, smile, do anything to project a little of christ's love into their lives? just think on it a while...more later.

helpless

Father-HELP!!!! i don't know how tto feel, i don't know what i am supposed to think, i don't know how to get throught this. i know to some people it would seem like nothing-i know certain people would like me to pretend it doens't bother me- but it DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so tired of this kind of thing! i am tired of feeling like a victim-because i know i'm not-but it's hard to remember that when you get kicked around so much. by the same person. over and over.Father, i know the easiest thing for everyone(except me) would be to go -pretend it am not torn up inside, and suck it up. but is that what i should do. or would that just give people more reason to think they can be unthoughtful of me cuz i'll never stand up for myself? that sounds so selfish. i don't think i could really stand up for myself. would i be wrong to want scott to stand up for me? where is that boundary where we say enough is enough?are we responsible for how doing waht's right for us makes them feel-when clearly they never considered how we might feel in the wake of their decision. Feather, i know i am a brat-ranting about what i deserve- i just want to know how i am supposed to do this. help me i want to glorify you, thru it- i do-but i also don't want to be miserable the whole time either! if i can't be with sctt, help me to enjoy who i eat with then enjoy scott for the rest of te night if scott decides to step down-helsp everyone understand. thank you, my Father. amen

Kerraziness

Abba~ i know you love me, and i am so thankful for that. thank you for all te times you show me how much bigger you are than my fears. thank you for the people who love me and the way you use them. Help me to appreciate them more. please bless my darling one , and show me how to love him. and those others whom i love so much who are going thru hard times, please bless and care for them and show me how to love them best. ameb

Amazed

Abba, Every day You do things that amaze me. you take what i have and am and turn it into something beautiful ,and you use me in the lives of others. Thank you for my precious Scott. Thank you for always being faithful to draw us closer to You and make us more like you. keep us from ever doubting that you'll take care of us and help us to trust in your unfailing love. i ask that you bless my wonderful husband with a new job in which he can work for your glory ans he continues to follow your call to ministry. We love you, Father, and we ask all these things for your glory. Amen

Thank You

Father, Thank you. thatnk you for the peace that passes all understanding. thank you for your spirit who convicts me of my sin, thank you ofr the friends you surround me with who build me up. thank you for this wonderul humongous family of people who love me. thank you for the life you have given me to glorify you. Abba~thank you for Jill. Thank you for someone to be Steve's helper in life, someone to encourage him and love him, and Father, for a sister. a sister close to my age to love and be friends with. thank you for new beginnings and second, third, and an infinite number of chances to glorify you through how i relate to people. Thank you for it all.

left out

Father- keep me from having a pity party. help me to be content with the love of my heavenly father, the lover of my soul, and the one who has made me his own. keep me from self pity or feellings of worthlessness, that i may glorify you with my heart attitude and the way it shines thru into my life.calm my heart and bring peace to my mind. let those who love me see how thankful i am to them by the way that i live, love, and act.

progress

Father! i need you more than ever now. you have sorted out so much in my heart over the past few days, and i am so thankful for all the encouragement you have been pouring my way.why does it seem that the better things get, the worse i feel. Father i am so sick of being ruled by my emotions. i want to stop feeling so conflicted. i want to be able to only feel joy when i think about this-not fear. so tired of living in fear. my fear of man has been controlling so many of my attitudes and actions, and i want to be free from it. i wnat ot be free to rejoice, and see how i can love your people-everyone you bring into my life. help me to deal with what i need to deal with and heal my heartache, father i am sick of this fear that divides me from you and those i love. help me father, i feel like i am drowning right now. i need your arms to hold me close and love me. your love is the only one that will satisfy me. i know taht and i cry out to you to hold me, love me, heal me, fill me. i love you.

frustrated and soo excited

Father~ how can i be sfo excited and happy flor others, yet feel so sorry for myself? why do i have to make this about me? Father, i just want to feel loved. will you make me feel loved? will you show me that none of my insecurities matter- just that you love me and i am yours? father! i cry out to you in my helplessness! help me die to self and live for you! also, thanks for what you are doing ! i ask your blessing over it and your guidance for it. the world's odds are set so high against it, but if you are for us-who could even try to be against us? thank you, Abba. amen

A prayer...

Father~ I am a little afraid. not because i think You won't give me what i need, but because i am afraid what i need may be different than what i want. i want my will and my desired to line up with yours. all that siad, i ask you to give scott this job. we both feel like you lined everything up perfectly for it, and so in that sense, i hav peace. but alas, i am human, and have so much difficulty trusting that my needs will be met. faather-i ask that you will continue to bless us like you always hqave, and enable us to do you will so that we may glorify you with our every thought, word, and action. let ou lives be a reflection of you as we strive to serve you. remove from our hearts and minds any fears and help us trust you. Okay, so scott didn't et the job. should i pretend like i am okay with that? should i pretend like it makessense and i saw it coming/ Father, i am so confused. i don't know what to think or how to feel about anything. i felt like you had it all lined up. i guess you bdid. just not the way we thought. i know that you have omething way better for us, but i can't fathom what it is right now. maybe that's as it should be. Father, just give me peace elp me to trust you that you have our best interest at heart. these things matter so little in the long run, father, and we just wanna glorify you. heal my heartbreak, Father.please.

Today's The Day...I Hope....

Okay, so it's Finally Friday!!! Today is the day we are supposed to find out for certain about this job. so i have decided, to help with the chilling out on my part, to list th reason's i feel like this is God's perfect timing and Scott is gonna get this job.

1. The car broke down and God immediately provided a new one.
2. Scott decided to actively look for a new job, and th next day this was listed...
3. He has applied for a few othe jobs and not even gotten a call back- this one they called right away
4. they had 50 applicants, and he was one of only 3 they interviewed.
5. God has given both of us a good feeling about this
6. God knows what we need...

So i think i'm going to jut chill... or try to....

Patience....and trust. Hmmm...

So today God is teaching me patience. Scott applied for a job two weeks ago tomorrow. Not just any job, either-nope- it's like his dream Job. Yeah, so...he turned in his application on a thursday. on the following tuesday -yes, that's two business days later- he got a call asking him to come for an interview the next Monday. Scott has applied for a few other jobs, and we never ever heard anything. and frim what we have heard, the County takes forever to do anything, so this was a huge surprise. Then, Scott goes to his interview this monday, and he finds out that 50 people applied for this job-and they interviewed.....THREE! First, that says a lot about Scott- that out of 50 people, they saw him as one of the only three people they wanted to consider for this job. That's pretty good. Right? so he said he felt like the interview went really well. like he did well, and he had fun. he likes to interview. So then he tells me that he will find out on friday. Wow! that's soon! i couldn't believe how soon! HMPH! i had no idea how LONG four days is-or can be! I thought it would just fly! Again, HMPH!!! Well, today is wednesday, so it's been just under two days. i am so nervous! i mean, i know money cannot buy us happiness and all that, but it will provide us with some security so we can live and minister not so hand to mouth ...i know God has the best for us, and i know it will all work out just fine, but at this moment i am just so afraid he won't get the job. it would be easy not to have my hopes so set if it were not between Scott and only 2 others. the statistics of it are what makes it so tense. i know that i am supposed to be learning both patience and trust right now but it is really hard! Father, give me Your peace and teach me to trust that You have Your best in store for us.