Easier Said than Done

This past weekend i saw a remarkable film called Facing The Giants. I went into the experience expecting the cheese factor and overly campy acting and plot of a typical Christian movie- and was more than pleasantly surprised. I would recommend this to everyone who can get their hands on it! One of the major story lines in this movie touched me personally and made me ask myself "Could i still love God if he did not give me my heart's desire?" it's a hard question. i want to say yes, after all, i got through losing the baby in October didn't i? well, not on my own. and it wasn't easy. But could i really hang on and keep on trucking if my desire for a child of my own blood never came to fruition? honestly...it would be so hard. i want with all my heart to be able to say yes, but i think to some degree i would be so angry- i would wonder why a loving God would allow me to become pregnant once and know about it and then never give me a child. But knowing as i do the beauty of adoption and the way God blessed me with it twice- from Himself and my earthly Daddy- how could i really question His plan. So today, Father, i say to You and to the world- As hard as it may be- I WILL LOVE YOU! But i also know that making that statement doesn't mean i am giving up hope-!it means i am laying it(probably Daily!) in God's able hands and trusting that He will give us His best. that is so much easier to write than actually do. If you are reading this... just pray for me. Letting Go of what i want most and trusting God is scary. and right now it is even scarier since i am already feeling like less of a person for being without a baby. AAAh! Heavenly Father, i cannot get through this without you! Thanks You for being there every step of the way!